seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
