I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
