one might say we're banned from that church
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
