wat bout pragnant strippers??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
