I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
