You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
