girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.