I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day