He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.