My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.