hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.