Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
