i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.