The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
