Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Holy sore nipples Batman
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
