Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
