you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
