i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
