I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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