Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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