I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
