every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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