You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
