They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
