Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
