so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
