I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
