if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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