UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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