So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
