Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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