I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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