Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
