She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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