Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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