Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
