Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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