after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dignity is for republicans.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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