Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
