I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I pour the whiskey from now on
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