my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
