She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just googled if crying burns calories
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
