We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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