After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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