My hand turned me down
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
