so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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