you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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