I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
