If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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