he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
