ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
