apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
