She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
