Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
