Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
whose ass print is on the piano?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
