I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
