About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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