I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All the doctor said was why
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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