At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
