WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
