This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
