Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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