In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The uberlube is also flammable
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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