It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
MIDGETS
????
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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