i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
