Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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