sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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