Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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