if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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