Little spoons don't ask big questions
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
