xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
