and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
